my breath was lightning
by porcelian-doll
Summary: He dreams of her, of storms, of things he can never escape. HP/LL. Oneshot.


_a/n: well, it's been awhile, but I have returned with my first foray into the HP fandom. This may not make much sense but please leave a review & tell me what you think of it!_

_This fic was heavily inspired by WhenLightingStrikes' "as the moon was rising in your eyes." It's a wonderful piece & it's on my favorites so go check it out! _

_As always, PLEASE DO NOT FAVORITE WITHOUT REVIEWING!_

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He sits with her on the soggy ground, still damp from last night's storm. She plays with the flowers on the grass, ripping them and running the misplaced petals in between her fingers.

"Why don't you just pick them," he suggests to her softly, trying not to break the mood.

"Pick them out of the ground, you mean?"

"Yeah."

"Because I don't want the grass to get lonely, of course," she says affectionately, running her hands through his soft, black hair.

He finds he has no answer to this, as usual.

He lays back down, stares at the sky, content with silence.

She continues to play with the flowers, every once in a while, reaching out to stroke his hair, like she's afraid he'll be gone soon enough if she doesn't keep checking.

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At night, sometimes, it becomes too much. He dreams flashes of green light, sunken, ghostly hands reaching for his throat, Lupin, Fred, Cedric Diggory flying through the air, unable to speak, unable to able to move at all. He dreams of Voldemort, and his parents.

Ginny has long since grown tired of him waking up in a sweat, unable to breathe for fear of being swallowed up by the air itself. She simply rolls around, her back to him, unable to tend to him while she has her own nightmares.

It is nights like these when he thinks of Luna Lovegood, and for whatever reason, it calms him, just as it always does.

He goes back to sleep, and doesn't remember the dreams in the morning.

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They are still sitting on the grass when the clouds begin to roll in. He thinks of leaving, seeking shelter, running as he knows so well to do.

She says nothing, of course, when the skies open up and the heavens shower on them both, simply laughing, so quietly he thinks he might've imagined it.

"The flowers will be ruined," he whispers in her ear, as she lays across his chest, the raindrops beating down.

She looks up at him simply, smiles. "They're already ruined, Harry."

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He goes to work, goes about his day, tries not to think of her. She has an unexpected, although not altogether unpleasant, way of popping up in his mind whenever he's distracted. He thinks of her, and the forest of Dean, and Malfoy Manor, and Hermione's screams and Shell Cottage and Peter Pettigrew's pitiful whimpering.

It is these moments, he thinks bitterly, that he knows will never escape him. Even though he is the Boy-Who-Lived and the Man-Who-Conquered, he will, to some degree, always be stuck inside his head, for there are far too many painful things he wishes he could forget.

His brain is quiet for a moment. He thinks he should probably ask Hermione to brew him a Dreamless Sleeping potion.

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They are still laying on the grass, her head on his chest, the rain still pouring, when he realizes she is crying.

He looks down at her face, trying to understand. She blinks at him, sighs, and says, "oh, Harry, I don't want you to leave."

"I'll never leave," he promises, then realizes he's crying too.

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It is the first night is ages he doesn't dream of Luna Lovegood, and yet still wakes up breathless and sweating.

"I'm going mad, aren't I?"

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There is no Luna anymore, only high, cold laughs, Sirus falling, falling, a basilisk crawling out of the wall toward him, his mother's screams.

He no longer wishes to be asleep.

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He takes Lily Luna out on a walk the first day both her brothers are at Hogwarts. They are strolling silently on the grass, when suddenly she reaches down and picks one of the flowers growing out of the ground.

"Don't do that, Lils," he tells her.

"Why not, Daddy?"

"The grass'll get lonely."

"I didn't know the grass got lonely, Daddy."

He smiles, and thinks of her.

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fin.

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_a/n: tell me what you think & please do not favorite without reviewing! kisses xo_


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